A conversation between two chavs on a night out in Kingston. The conversation took place in the toilets of the Megabowl in the Rotunda. One chav was in the lone toilet cubicle of the gents, whilst the other groomed himself in the mirror:

-"Shall we go down Works?"

-"Nah. I 'aven't been down Works since I was a fackin' kid."

-"Oh right. Where d'you go now?"

-"'Clusky's."

-"So, eh, who's coming out tonight then?"

-"Just us two."

-"Oh right. Original Pirate Material."

"Apparently I was fucking mencapped last night."

Sharron: "Hello Sue. Good to see you."

Sue: "What's wrong with your face?"

T.A.F.K.A.P: "Doing a few bits and pieces 2nite so not coming out."

Me: "Xmas eve?"

T.A.F.K.A.P: "Don't think its sitting xmas eve, it's well jackson i know, maybe another time!"

Me: "R u on crack?"

T.A.F.K.A.P: "Yes"

Me: "Furry muff"

T.A.F.K.A.P: "Its mandelson"

As it's Christmas I'm treating you to two gems from my gran. The comments came within half an hour of one another which filled me with much blogging potential joy but, alas, the rate of classic quotes died soon after. Merry Christmas:

"Ooh, I think that David Dickinson has lovely hair."

"Well, I find my thumbs very useful."